Hello dear readers 🙂 Lately my life has been a whirlwind of rally planning, human library performances, manifesting, working, yelling about racism, political campaigning and….well, going to places I never thought I’d be going again.

Face first, right back into a big ol closet.

You see dear readers ye olde Unmuffled Mind took a spot cooking at a little pub in a fine redneck section of the outlying districts and, once installed in said job, quickly realized (no doubt thanks to the country music on the radio, and the good ‘ol boy attitudes running around the kitchen) that this was probably not the best place to burst into flame (besides, me in full colour would make the fires rising from the stoves look so plain by comparison).

So here I am, a faceless good ‘ol boy cooking away shoulder to shoulder with the type of folks that would probably run the hell away (or fire me) if they knew who (and what) I am. The only saving grace I have is that I did spend many years on a working horse farm when I was growing up. I know these type of men (I used to want to be them back before I fully began to explore my rainbow of presentations) I have worked with them, studied them, tried to emulate them…I know what they think is good and what is unacceptable. I can spout their style of values and emulate behaviors they find comforting while avoiding words or actions that might either upset them or give away my secrets.

And truth be told I don’t mind it much of the time. It’s a fact of life, just as it has been a fact of life since I first came out some 17 years ago (Holy Hannah has it been that long? Dear me where did the time get to?) For the most part, flying under the radar is an easy thing for me, especially considering my background in psychology (and my obsessive habit of people watching). But oh there are days, days where it chafes to no end. Days where I just want to let my inner queen out to raise a little hell for one shining moment (and then run like hell no doubt). There is nothing wrong with not announcing to the world that there is a giant set of rainbow wings hiding under your t-shirt but some days it feels almost like I am part of the (in my opinion) apathetic masses of gays that go through life not speaking up, not educating people about LGBT people.

In short I feel like a collaborator in every gay bashing that happens.

Now I know that is a ridiculous thing to say because obviously I am not that, but I really do feel with all my heart that it is the duty of each and every queer to try to educate those who do not know about the queer lifestyle (specifically those whose ignorance manifests in extremely negative fashions). And being in this closet really limits my ability to do that in many ways (though I have managed to convey my absolute ok-ness with “the gays”). It’s an odd place to be, this closet of mine, but perhaps it will teach me a lesson or two about cultural invisibilities and surviving with only the voices in your head for company.

Until then…**sounds of muffled madonna rumbling through louvred doors**…You can’t see me

  1. Theresa says:

    It is great to be getting more from the Unmuffled Mind.

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