To Hate Or Not To Hate

Posted: 07/13/2012 by erichblayde in A Different Outlook, Acceptance, Activism, Human Experience
Tags: , , , ,

Hello again lovely readers! Welcome back to yet another muttered musing. Today’s simplistic syntax is brought to you by the big fiery cloud that has been baking my brain all day (So if there is a ton of grammatical eff-ups it’s  probably the fiery sky-cloud’s fault for making my brain leak out my ears)

Today we are going to have a little chit chat about….hate

**DISCLAIMER** In NO WAY shape or form does the author condone any group considered by societal standard to be a hate group, nor does the author endorse or support anyone wishing to bully any teen gay or straight. As always the views expressed are my own and are only my side of the story

I  recently read an article by the ever talented Joey M on The Corner Space blog and one section in particular got me thinking. Joey writes

“We hear advocates, activists, including myself, campaigning to stop hate, to put an end to it, but has any of us ever thought of what it would be like if it didn’t exist?  If all the hate in the world disappeared, what would that bring us? Satisfaction, pride and maybe every emotion linked with accomplishment. But what happens after? We rejoice and then we realize we have nothing left to fight for.”

And that got me thinking.

In my work as an anti racist activist I often end up in rather, intense encounters, with folks who most call “hate groups”. But honestly who is more of a hate group? A gang of shaven headed thugs who mimic the actions of their parents and their parents parents simply because it’s the only thing they have ever gained any measure of success or acceptance in, or the activist willing to spit theoretical fire in the faces of this mob of thugs regardless of how many his or her comrades are there to back him or her up? I for one have never truly believed in “ending the hate”, because I believe many activists are far more “hateful” than their opposite members (and yes I definitely include myself it that group).

It’s just that no one really wants to admit it.

Joey suggests “Hate becomes bad when it is impulsive and when it is abused.” But I really have to wonder about that one. As an advocate and activist for transgender rights I allow my hate to fill me, to  overflow into energy for marches and rallies and the organizing of such things. I allow pure impulsive rage to override my natural instinct to run like hell every time I step to battle against a “hate group”. And while personally I feel that is allowing hatred to abuse me, it is also in a way allowing me to abuse others simply because society does not recognize me as being just as hateful as my opposition.

And yes, that is a funny way to look at it but, when you truly look at it, most “hate group” members actually haven’t got half an idea of what they are attacking, they parrot beliefs and ideas they picked up from their fellows because “everyone near me thinks like that”. They are more of a dog pack than a series of individuals motivated by hatred. In contrast many of the more “rabid” activists know damn well what they are attacking. They have studied, theorized and argued points in their head prior to engagement. And yes, protected by the anonymity of the internet or a balaclava more “activists” than you think set forth on the information super highway or into a frothing sea of rallying humanity, looking to pick a fight and completely humiliate someone. And often they band together attacking a single individual as a group, fighting and pushing until they tear their target down. We call it a victory for our rights.

Sounds like a hate group mentality to me.

Now please don’t misunderstand me here. I know very well that hate can indeed have a negative form and that negative form can cause tremendous harm. Nor am I trying to classify all activists as hate groups, I know many  wonderful activists who adopt a Ghandi-esque philosophy of pacifism. What I am saying is that hate is a tool used by both sides to attempt to preserve their way of life. I simply believe that people have blindfolded themselves to the fact that an “activist” can be just as hateful as any white supremacist or anti-gay bully.

Joey M continues on in the article to say

“I cannot think of a better example of hate and how it is hardly controlled in certain situations but suicide and hate crime. We will never fully understand why some people do it. We can only try and prevent it. If we cannot stop hate, we can try and stop what comes after.”

What gets me however is I completely understand why people allow themselves to hate. It feels good. And, if used effectively it produces a hell of a result. And I am not entirely sure I want to prevent myself using it because it is honestly one of the most effective tactics I have found in terms of self motivation.

I think perhaps our societal conscience has pressed us into a mentality of “hate is bad” without allowing us to really examine the true methodology and uses of hate. Hate has become a catch phrase for something rather than a tool in our emotional arsenal. Joey M writes

“Not many people may admit it, but we are desperate to prevent these acts from happening. Not because we wish to disturb the human lifecycle but because it is immoral. Morality is at stake here, and quite frankly, we have to act fast before the future generations pick up what is alarming to us as normal to them.”

And while I fully and absolutely agree that the targeting of young gay teens is completely wrong, I hesitate upon hearing that morality is at stake. Because truly, hatred is as much a defining part of anyone’s morality as love, honor or other factors. It’s just that we don’t admit it anymore. Our parents taught us “hate is bad” when they themselves grew up in a generation that was mobilized to war over morals, a war that was fought with tremendous hatred on both sides. And yet in this very next generation hate has suddenly become bad.

Hate isn’t bad. It is a tool, to be understood and used, in its most powerful uncontrolled form. It is to be respected no doubt, but why should it be thrown aside and not acknowledged? After all, one mustn’t forget the most predominant effect of hatred is pure passion. And although many negative events have arisen from hatred, many positive victories have as well.

So don’t shy away from that sudden surge of blinding fire that sweeps over you the next time your rights are threatened. Go with it, understand it and use it in the way that is most effective for your cause. Be honest about your emotions and accept that society’s definition and belief of something can be questioned at will.

Today I accept all parts of myself and use them in ways effective for me
  1. Joey M. says:

    I love this! And while this almost opposed everything I had written, I feel very enlightened by this entry of yours. I must admit that while I was writing that column, I felt like many things were missing and you, my friend, filled that for me. I should stop writing with a bias and start looking at both sides. While others may still try to win their side, I on the other hand would like to thank you. It’s true, everything you have written. I use hate for my self righteous needs but I guess I’m trying to be more of a peacemaker. I just drop it, shouldn’t I? Like what I said, hate will always be flowing in our blood.. I should just let it flow and take its course. Thanks! 🙂

    • erichblayde says:

      Being a peacemaker is just as good a method as every other my friend. And although my style differs from yours please do not think I am opposing you 🙂 heavens no. I loved reading your opinion on hate and it was you who inspired me to think about what I feel around the issue of hate.

      As to writing with a bias I have to say that my belief is that every good writer does so. Bias to me indicates a strength of your belief without which truly passionate writing would not be possible. The challenge is to recognize and accept your bias and then think beyond it..

      Also Joey, I must say, never drop anything. Build it, amalgamate it, restructure it, but never let any piece go. Growth depends on remembering every piece of our personal journey.

      Keep writing my friend. Your work is stunning and I can’t wait to read more.

  2. grosenberg says:

    I would question whether it was hate (which is a combination of fear and anger, not the opposite of love which is indifference) that has proven a fuel or love, anger and protectiveness. Hate and the fear that it grows from tends to be ultimately destructive as once the object of the hatred is gone, it starts to feed on itself.
    Without hate, our time and focus might be spent on positive steps to make this world a better place or considering whether there is anything to our beings beyond the physical world we live in.
    Even in examples of positive outcomes to hate (someone seen as evil put in their place or diminished) who knows what works of beauty or knowledge could be gained to a much more beneficial end?
    Just my two cent 😉

    • erichblayde says:

      It may well be that it wasn’t hate. But only time and growth will make that so. To me, in my world at the moment of occurance it was most definitely hatred. Pure, unadulterated and terrible.

      And while I agree that my method of coexisting with hate is not the only one, I am pleased with its effects and I would be cautious in decrying one method for being less effective. After all, my method has had victories that were positive without tearing holes in myself or others. While these are not as well known AA the results and methods you describe I feel that they may have been overlooked

      • grosenberg says:

        From what I have experienced in my life there is always a personal cost to hate and anger even when benefits are also perceived. Worse yet, the negative effects tend to be longer lasting than the momentary victories. There is a Buddhist story that hating someone is a bit like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.
        I guess for me it comes down to lately seeing how hatred and anger plays out on a world stage. For instance Zionist leaders in Israel who say that they would destroy the world before letting Israel be threatened. Very little in this universe frightens me but that made my blood run cold

      • erichblayde says:

        Indeed I have heard that story somewhere….hmmm…wonder where. As always I appreciate you sharing your world view 🙂 it is always important to learn other belief systems 🙂 I agree with you that the stories from Israel are shocking, but I am hesitant to say more as I am jot living there and therefore haven’t the knowledge to do so

        • grosenberg says:

          Well I was using it not specifically about Israel but in a wider sense because it typifies an attitude. Whenever one person or group considers their survival more important than the rest of humanity’s then the death knell gets struck because ultimately it results in the destruction of all.

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