Rants and Raves (Parking Edition)

Posted: 06/06/2012 by erichblayde in Rants And Raves
Tags: , , , ,


Ok, so I have decided to add a little more organization to ye olde Muttered Musings and start a new tradition. Sundays are now going to be Rants and Raves. Which means that every Sunday I will post either my own complaints and cheerings on, or any that I have received from you, the fine readers of my typographic tomfoolery. So feel free to email in anything you want the Unmuffled Mind to broadcast and check back every Sunday for the best of the best and the worst of the rest 🙂


As mentioned somewhere in this blog I work at an unamed (for its own protection) education center as a security guard, first aid attendant and bylaw enforcement patrolman. In short we are the meter maids of this fine place, who occasionally do other mundane tasks such as helping save lives and deal with lunatics.

And let me tell you, life as a glorified meter maid is a bitch.

First off, let me state that my opinions in no way reflect those of my employer or co workers, they are my own personal opinions and are here because I am a mouthy little maggot who is tired of keeping quiet.

Now with no further ado, and in no particular order…

Rant – How exactly do you expect me to know when you really haven’t paid for parking and when to flip on my X-ray spectacles (which every potential glorified meter maid has had surgically implanted at birth, of course) and look THROUGH your passenger seat to see the parking pass that is underneath the seat?!? (Note: The part of the pass where it says “must be displayed at all times while on ***** property”? Yeah that means YOU!)

Rave – To the guy I gave a break in fees to who took the extra 5 minutes to come to the office and tell my supervisor how polite and helpful I am…YAY YOU! Thanks for being the last decent dude on the planet.

Rant – If you run up to the glorified meter maid and ask an idiot question, do not be offended when we give you an idiot answer! (Example: When you run up to me waving a parking violation asking “What the fucking hell is this?!” you are by default going to get an answer such as “It’s a ticket” or “It’s blue?” Once you receive an answer such as this, you are NOT allowed to scream at me about it! YOU asked the fucking question!!!!)

Rave – To the culinary students who literally hugged the walls when I came running through the fully staffed kitchen with a 50 ilb med kit on my back, on the way to a diabetic collapse. Your quick thinking and selfless actions helped dramatically improve my response time to that call, possibly saving a life. Thank you so much!

Rant – To the gentleman who randomly attempted to take a run at me in his SUV, that’s just wrong. Besides not being very helpful, you must remember “we are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.” Anyways, it wouldn’t help. Where one glorified meter maid falls ten more (and a big ass lawsuit) are there to take its place

Rave – To the lady who took the time to come up to me, and ask if I would stop writing a ticket on the expired meter if she put some money into it and, upon receiving an affirmative, promptly bought the car in question an hour of reprieve. Thank you 🙂 Your good samaritan ways made a bad day a whole lot better.

Rant – To those who wish to argue about why THEY should be allowed to contravene the rules, I have two points to make. Number one – I am quite polite and even-times apologetic for having to request someone stop doing something. That does not however, mean that I am hesitant to put on my authoritative hat if needed so attempting to bully me just is not the thing to do! Number two – “Yahbut” is not a word! The majority of convincing arguments are mounted in ENGLISH, not lazy. If you have a hope in hell of winning your dispute with me, that hope does not start with “yahbut”

Rave – Ok so this is not quite a parking rave, but I would like to give a big ol’ Unmuffled Rave to the zombies that paraded through the library and the main commons. While the screams for brains echoed rather convincingly round the outdoor courtyard, to a being you all switched to whispers the instant the library door opened. A huge thumbs up for your respectful conduct!

Rant – When a member of the parking enforcement team informs you that you cannot park or stop in a certain area, it is best you look around you carefully before proceeding to accuse said B.E.O. of being a tyrannical fascist. Chances are we simply are trying to remind you of what the sign that you parked DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF says.

Please remember these are only the award winning issues and amazing moments of my job….there’s SOOOO much more I may have to rant again


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