Rants And Raves – Drag Queen Edition

Posted: 06/06/2012 by erichblayde in Coming Out, Drag Queen, Gay Pride, Hope, Human Experience, Humour, It Gets Better, Rants And Raves
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Alright dear readers, time for a second crack at the can of rants and raves (hopefully it lasts more than a week this time) Please remember if you have a rant or rave you want ye olde Unmuffled Mind to yak about just email your submission to leatherboiproductions@gmail.com with the subject heading Rants and Raves.

With all that said it is time to turn our attention to the matter at hand….all things drag queen

Rant – This one is rather obvious but deserves a mention. Those BITCHY drag queens! Ladies if your drag persona is a bitch thats your choice. But be a bitch on stage not off. The last thing I want to hear while I am pacing around backstage frantically repainting my eyebrow and trying to remember my lyrics is your ugly ass bitching about everything and every one. No one cares!

Rave – To all the girls out there who will take a second to grab the perfect shade of lip liner from their purse and hand it to you while you are frantically rummaging in your bag 25 seconds before you hit the stage. To all the girls who I have seen over the years taking aside the new queens and giving them tips. To all the girls who never really fought for glory but remained year after year quietly slogging away in those strappy sandals, raising countless thousands of dollars for worthy causes without anywhere near the accolades they deserve. You are all heroes in my heart

Rant – To all the new queens who come in thinking that just because they are a “fresh face” the rules don’t apply to them or they don’t need to show a little respect to the people who have been there for years, grow up! And by the way? Your eyelash is on crooked and you forgot an eyebrow.

Rave – To all the countless fans of drag that turn out week after week to scream us on. I have no words to describe the special place you all hold in my heart.

Rant – To anyone and everyone ANYWHERE that thinks that a being a drag queen is reserved only for biological men….fuck you up the ass with two pairs of tweezers and an eyelash curler. Anyone, ANYONE, trans, bio girl, intersexed, or other can be a queen. Drag is a particular kind of performance and by its very nature, OPEN ENDED!

Rave – To all the folks who have stepped up in the last two days to donate clothes, makeup, purses and agreed to haunt the charity shops for appropriately sized shoes for the youth drag workshops I present. Nothing warms my heart more than to see the clothes pile in and know that, with your help, I will be able to show a group of our young folk a little taste of the amazing pageantry of drag.

Rant – To the clerks that either give you a funny look or refuse to serve you outright when you are a man buying makeup. Pull your head out of your ass. And while we’re at it let’s set something straight. My legsDO look better in heels than yours ever will

Rave – To all the amazing guys (trans and gay) that have been so willing to help out over the years fetching and carrying bags, running last minute missions for duct tape or simply ferrying the queens of the world to their shows. You show us all that chivalry is not dead.

Rant – Tuck belts. Who the FUCK thought that was a good idea?! You want me to strap what where??? And then dance and smile while my cojones are shove somewhere near my liver??? Come here and let me club you with a shoe.

Rave – To whoever figured out that you could shove shopping bags in a wig, tie it all up, bobby pin it to your head and THEN put your wig on for that holy shit big hair look….I LOVE YOU!!!! I think you must have way too much time on your hands but I love you

Rant – Max Factor makeup. Your panstick was your single most useful product and you stop selling it without so much as a warning?! May your eyebrow pencils always be lost and your foundation chunky.

All right. That’s enough out of the queen for one night. Take care dear readers and remember, two wigs are better than one!


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